you & me

We Externalize Our Emotional Needs by Seeking Fame.


There are books about it, songs about, podcasts about it, magazines about it, and movies/TV shows about it.

I’m talking about fame.

I’ll be honest and say I’ve always wanted to be famous, though I never understood why I or how I’d be so.

It seemed to be something that was cool to be.

After all, celebs are famous.

Fame brings you nice cars, a huge bank balance, luxury wardrobes, and a big mansion on the beach (or multiple estates around the world). It also means a life jet-setting and cruising around to exotic places throughout the year. You get to be pampered and get VIP access to all the cool events.

Then as I got a bit older, I realized that, in general, celebs are a bit on the ditzy side and don’t have their shit together.

They’re into drugs and booze, they have reputations for being crazy, and they’re airy people with big egos. They’ve usually come from an entertainment family lineage or were child actors (and let’s be honest, they’re the worst kind, because they grow up only knowing fame and fortune and never had sober experiences before they had it all).

Of course, there are a few exceptions to the above.

There are those types who are down-to earth, and worked through hurdles in their personal lives to get where they are. There are some who are founders of good causes and that’s all very well. However, has it occurred to them why they don’t share some of that excessive wealth with others? Or better yet, try to be a homeless person for a month?

I mean do you really, really, really need billions of dollars to live comfortably? Do you need more than one house, one car, and one trip abroad a year? Do you not understand the concept of budgeting or saving?

Then, recently in the past year, I came to discover that often the desire for fame is the result of a lack of being seen by our parents in childhood. When mom/dad are too self-absorbed, or too self-involved with their own agendas, and don’t give us enough emotional nurturance, we externalize that need by seeking fame.

If we’re not being appreciated for who we really are and being accepted by our own caregivers, we have a poor self-image. It is this lack of proper attention (and praise) that motivates us to bolster it ourselves — as superficial as this seems — outside ourselves.

Social media, with its many platforms, plays a huge role in perpetuating this cycle today. With the desire for as many likes and follows as possible to feel accepted and confident, we live like celebrities who have to seem picture-perfect ‘all the goddamn time. It’s causing people anxiety to have to keep up with not only celebs, but well-off peers who can afford lavish lifestyles.

We’ve become conditioned, by virtue of social media, to zone in on that extra inch of belly fat, or semi-yellow teeth, or smeared eyeshadow, or that stain on our two-year-old shirt.

15 or 20 years ago, these things didn’t matter. We took photos to remember people we were with and places we went to. We didn’t share private photos with the world, and in not doing so, we weren’t judged and compared to other people who were strangers to us.

Fame can have lots of positives, but it can have negative effects too. Stalkers. Trolls. Rigid reputations you have to uphold in public. Paparazzi snapping photos at awkward moments (Go, Jen Aniston, with the middle finger. I applaud your reaction to the incessant intrusion of privacy.) You’re criticized and things are assumed about you, like mental health and whatnot.

Marriage becomes a big fat deal, with prenups and all that paparazzi attention during the ceremony. You’re expected to look physically fit and appealing for roles, social media posts or photo shoots, risking body image issues. Not to mention you live your life according to the safety protocols of personal protection teams. It’s like being part of the royal family, with all those rules.

Would I really want to trade most of my freedoms for wealth/status?

Then a few weeks ago, I got into astrology and numerology, and it was like opening Pandora’s box.

I always knew I had a Virgo sun, but I learned that I didn’t have a Libra rising but a Virgo rising and a Scorpio moon. I learned I had my black moon Lilith in Sagittarius and a Sagittarius IC  (meaning my voice wasn’t validated at home).

My midheaven, conversely, is in Gemini. It rules words, sharing information and wisdom. It denotes having a voice and sharing a message in the following ways: written, spoken, electronically. Many famous people, like Ariana Grande and Mark Zuckerberg, have this sign in their midheaven too.

If I may for a moment deviate into a historic note:

In ancient Egypt, the occupation of a scribe was sacred (and usually held by a man). Their knowledge of the written word, and the meaning of words, was restricted to them and only them. They knew the power of words and how to wield them, even going so far as to use them to manipulate others. They knew things others didn’t know and shared this knowledge.

They also recorded life as it was, so future scribes and authorities would know how to keep traditions going. Scribes were also famous for safeguarding knowledge during times of wars and consulting with pharaohs and queen regents.

So in a way, I have turned out famous by that definition — by spreading messages to others, in the hopes of influencing how they see the world.


Jade Bald is a Canadian, history graduate, and freelance writer. When not writing, she’s enjoying a walk, a bloody good mystery and a nice cuppa. She also has a rescue cat and practices astrology. You could connect with her via Twitter or Instagram.


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