Your Dreaming Guides You Into Self-Love.


Self-love is not a final arrival point, but rather an attitude of positive regard towards oneself regardless of circumstances.

It’s also a series of remarkable and unremarkable choices made over time that contributes to your overall welfare, happiness and holistic prosperity. It pulls you deeper into your aliveness, not away from it.

Love wants you to flourish, not to suffer.

If we’ve had any kind of emotional or spiritual trauma at any of the pivotal developmental times in our life, we learned different things about love — that it’s painful, a struggle, and that we must work really hard to transform bad things, or at the very least, do enough work to tolerate the love that seems familiar to our unconscious minds and nervous systems.

In this regard, while we all know that self-love is a thing, or that loving consciousness is a thing, it may feel elusive like the depth of happiness or inner freedom we long for.

Our minds can create ideas or identities or structures in our lives that look like love, but we are struggling and even feel like we are dying inside. We’ve been so entrained into addiction consciousness that codependency is wired into us, whether we realize it or not.

When I was in grad school, I saw a therapist a couple times a week. He had said to me once, as I’d divulged a lot of the deeper bits of my history over those years, that I was lucky I wasn’t lying in the street with a needle in my arm. The matter-of-factness, warmth and respect behind his statement really found a home in my heart because I had never thought of it before.

What got me here now? Even in all the mishaps and rock bottoms and moments of grace?

Making or not making loving choices that helped me feel more well-being and positive regard for myself.

Love, especially self-love, was a thing that felt very elusive to me most of my life. Sometimes it still does, but in different ways. We’ve developed a relationship now, know more of each other’s languages, nuances, symbols and dreaming journeys.

It’s challenging when we live in a world where we receive a consistent message about love, that self-love is important, but no one really knows how. We perhaps make lists of what it looks like to love yourself, but not what it feels like, or its internal workings.

It IS a feeling. A general positive attitude towards yourself. Regardless of whatever you have or have not done, or what circumstances may present themselves.

It’s also a series of decisions. A spiritual practice of using love to divine your life. A consistent question: what’s the most loving thing I can offer to or do for myself right now?

The answers don’t always feel good because truth is one of love’s love languages.

Love — the benevolent intelligence that is your body, intuition and connection to the liminal spaces that make us magic — that love can sometimes ask us to make difficult decisions to let go, go somewhere new, or break out of an old consciousness, all of which means risking belonging or perceived safety.

Sometimes it means admitting you aren’t happy and then doing something about it.

Sometimes it means expressing the truth, perhaps first to yourself, but then to others in your life. It may be making amends or stopping that bad habit you keep beating yourself up about. It may be slowing way down and feeling, grieving, laughing, flowing, expressing, writing, or even dreaming into something new. Right here, right now.

Dreaming is a beautiful Neptunian medicine.

There’s the daydreaming of our ego, future-projecting the ideal version of ourselves into the life that ideal self would construct around them. This is usually the dreaming our world asks of us.

There’s also the imaginal dreaming of the soul. The dreaming we can’t do when we are scrolling on our phones, consuming television or movies that are aiming to do the dreaming for us. It’s dreaming that wants to dream us, be dreamed by us and come to one the fruition of our lives.

Our dreaming, our inner visionary life, our soul’s imagination for our highest life, that’s the love that, if we act on the behest of it, guides us into the promised land of self-love — a terrain that will look and feel completely unique to you and utterly recognizable by a sparkle in your eye, the innate permission you now give yourself to be happy, and the compassion you have for yourself when you forget you don’t have to suffer in struggle and things that don’t work anymore.

What would love have you be, do, be with, feel, create or move with now?


Dr. Mia Hetenyi is a psychospiritual healer, soul mentor and writer. She has carved out her own path based on 20+ years of clinical experience and an equal amount of time studying and practicing Buddhism, yoga, meditation, shamanic healing, ritual and energy healing. After recovering herself from addiction and experiencing an awakening to her soul, she fused her knowledge of psychology and trauma with both her studied and lived experience of shamanic and Buddhist healing modalities, creating an innovative approach to healing the soul wound at the root of so much addiction, shame and ongoing trauma. You can follow Dr. Hetenyi on Instagram and find out more about her work on her website.


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