Rebellious Daughters: Past Wounds of Your Mother.
Unhealthy mechanisms and boundaries in the relationships with our mothers prevent us from living our lives fully and authentically.
By inviting our inner rebel, we can heal and replace our former adapted selves by becoming daughters who live up to their fullest potential.
The tribe of perfect-daughter-wannabes already exists for eons. Maybe involuntarily you’re a member of this tribe too. Growing up having your faults pinpointed and your life being orchestrated with shoulds and shouldn’ts, you get stuck in an armor where it becomes more and more difficult to live your life from your own heartfelt decisions.
A mother who is plagued by old negative imprints herself loves to mold her daughter in her own most longed for finished state, not her daughter’s. That’s where the scrutiny of your relationship with your mother starts.
At some point in your twenties or thirties, maybe a mother yourself by then, you might find yourself drawn back into rationality and overthinking at the moment your life asks for heartfelt decisions. The true intention of your heart gets overruled by your mother’s voice living in your head. This ends up in giving thinking a more dominant position in your life than your heart.
There’s also a chance that you really will get messed up about love. You get stuck in what seems to be an eternal yoyo between the true loving you and the member of the perfect-daughter tribe.
Maybe a thousand times you decided to erase all bad memories and imprints and to start the relationship with your mother all over again. I tell you, it’s better to transform instead of wasting your energies by trying to erase something that’s not yours in the first place.
Rebelling against fatal and imposed life-rules is your recipe when the relationship with your mother dominates your life. It’s important to breach the dynamic of exaggerated adaptation and restrained passion. Past wounds of your mother are not yours to drag around or to take responsibility for.
Your mother grew up in her own circumstances. When she got challenged to become a responsible mom herself, she suppressed her own feelings by trying to suppress them in you, her daughter, so she wouldn’t be surprisingly confronted by them.
By adapting the mechanisms your mother uses to cope with her past, you’ll drain your own precious energy. Your energy field will either start leaning heavily forward to deal with and answer to the demands of your mother’s will, or it will withdraw and minimize itself in an attempt not to be noticed. Pleasing and defending in this way moves you away from the true you.
After a period of time where you haven’t been met in your deepest needs, you’ll start hiding your frailties for her. Your wanting to be a perfect daughter robs you of your strong spinal power that connects you with heaven and earth. The healing motion is to learn to lean literally back and rest in your place. Your own deeply hidden power can than flow freely through your channel again.
It’s where the rebellious child in you starts finding her way out and regains the courage to show her true Self to the world.
Don’t get fixated on what you think needs to be fixed. There’s nothing to be fixed, only to shift your focus. Coming to clarity about your authentic way of perceiving and anticipating life will transform you to a deeper relationship with yourself. You will get acquainted with the true you, not the sculpted-by-your-mother you.
My own experience has taught me that reclaiming the right to be who we truly are will unleash big amounts of life-energy. Being rebellious, deflating the fear-bubble and daring to air our thoughts and feelings freely with the ones we love, will change our identity in a positive way.
The right attitude, to pull down the bricks that were mortared together by your mother’s impact on you, is responding from your own spontaneity and standing in your core-splitting honesty. Meaning, not overthinking in advance what to say or do to please her.
Also, beware of pointing fingers at the woman who gave birth to you. It will drain your energy unnecessarily. Instead, befriend yourself with welcoming more rebel in your life. Choose intimacy with yourself and your passions. Get inspired. Your authenticity is the way to happiness.
Being a happy rebel
Is it worth being rebellious? Yes! You have the right to live and develop freely. Connecting yourself with your held-back qualities and exposing them to the world will energize the true you and fill you abundantly with love and inspiration.
Choosing the way of the rebel-daughter will free more than just you. You will notice that your mother has to change her attitude too because her system will start resonating with your light and it will be impossible for her to maintain her old way of relating to you. Both of you will grow new, healthy boundaries and recover from mutual resentments. Doing love will become being love.
And remember: be compassionate. You’re not a finished state, you’re a work in progress.
Marina Tielke is a Dutch creative writer of spiritual and psychological novels, fables and articles. She is a life-artist who adopted the opinion that sustainability starts by being whole and living our full love-potential on this earth. She gets her inspiration from nature, own groundbreaking life-events and her former profession as a body-oriented psychotherapist. She lives her life as a modern hermit from truth, simplicity and sowing love.