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When our heart is broken wide open, there is an invitation to nearly unimaginable receptivity and fantastical courage to inhabit this sort of loving.
The world has a box for the beautiful women, the clever women, the interesting women, the vixens, but you say you want to be all this women, while you shun the labels. Who will claim you? A woman who is contradiction: night and day, here and there, everything and nothing?
Talk with your partner or to a sex coach about any shame regarding this sexual act. Many women hold old belief systems around what is and is not okay to do in the bedroom. The best way to get past these shame triggers is simply to be vulnerable and talk about them.
Memories, once snarled, now lay sorted and stacked, their sharp edges softened and beginning to decay. Within these layers, resolutions have emerged.
But she is never coming back, and I fear that if I look in too deep, I will find that only emptiness is left. What crayon is going to color that?