Digging deep into our own personal evolution can be a battlefield, a dewy meadow, or a road trip to forests of plenty. This is the pulp and the rind and the heart of the juice in nostalgic times. No two trips down memory lane are ever alike, and it is not so much in the illusion of the journey, but in the reality, that tangible changes are in our grasp.
You acknowledged the beauty of the physical treasures, and you've even made the vulnerable parts of me feel safe. I know you aren't complaining about what we've shared, but it has made me pause, made me think about what we've shared and what we haven't. The intimacy we share is remarkable, and it translates into ways of connecting that are out of this world, but there are gaps.
And then I came to it. Okay, I am in the push/pull of duality. I understand this to be the root of suffering, but I'm neither enlightened, nor ready to abandon determining necessary logistical steps to make my life feel meaningful, compassionate, and of service on the planet. So, if in my aqueous nature, I am bound to change; if in my non-manifesting nature, I cannot have complete vision/clarity/commitment to a set course, could I be willing to explore the options?
The light collides with all the world's fireflies and fireworks. You are face to face with the brightest star of them all. There's a light illuminating your surroundings, but it is in this moment that you have seen the sun. It is in this moment that you have unwaveringly, unswervingly, and unshakably seen love.
I've surrounded myself with so many beautiful women -- who inspire, encourage, and motivate me to be a better woman myself. And with men who appreciate (even if they'll never truly understand) the dynamic mystery of womanhood… I find mutually synergetic relationships… built on respect.
I have often wondered why so many artists are attracted to decay and renewal, by the ephemeral and the transient, the forces of nature. I think it's perhaps because these subjects have the ability to evoke an emotional or sensual response upon the viewer, making us think about our own mortality, the fragility of life.
I wanted the world to bleed like me and to bleed with me: to understand my misery by being as miserable as I was. I wanted help. I wanted out. But I didn't actually know what health, happiness, love and freedom were.
What are some of the most fun, wild, passionate, memorable experiences you've had? Write about one out as though it were a story. Describe and remember every... single... detail. Who was with you? Where were you? What was the setting? How did you take the risk and get there?
Online dating was a horrific experience. I entered into discussion with several men and we would talk and flirt, and as soon as a date was set to meet, they disappeared.
I know that is not everyone's experience, but it was mine. And I evaluated to see what I was doing, why that would keep happening. I was not looking for a relationship at all, so it wasn't like I was scaring them away by looking for commitment.
We cannot live so divided. We are not strangers from our past. We don't change, we grow. And each moment, each tiny miniscule impression, is like a stitch in a patchwork full of patterns that is our life. Just be happy to be here, in this moment, sharing it with this person. And that person will forever be the only one whom you shared this second with.
Now I am impulsive. Now I am bold. Now I am none the wiser. Now I make mistakes -- the same ones. Now I fight for my dreams, but I'm not sure I'm fighting for the right things. I am no longer innocent. I have damage in my journey. I have regret in my past. I don't just have rain… I have a hurricane.
I was engulfed in therapeutic grade essential oils, Himalayan lamps, immersing my body and charging my cells through healing crystal baths, deep states of meditation which opened up my kundalini channel, binaural and isochronic tones, sitting with the echoes of my inner child, revitalizing Yoga postures combined with deep rest, raw organic juices and wellness shots serving as gateways that take me deeper into my divine blueprint, reading and writing, crying sacred/healing tears and (finally, eh?) attuning myself to higher vibrations through deeply restoring release, flushing and cleansing.
What’s the point?
On the Yoga mat, my belly twisted over my thigh bone, my thigh bone burning like hell, my hands held in a prayer, shaking, sweating. My breath so loud the whole room can hear it: in, out, in, out.
Another rejection letter. Thank you very much for your time and effort; however, we regret to inform you…
Facebook. 489 friends. Less than her. More than him. Status updates crafted like flash fiction, all those tiny stories dipped in half-truths. Trolling through pictures of diamond rings, baby bumps, straight white teeth, girls who can’t possibly be that pretty. Instagram. Twitter. Tinder. Text messages.
An inbox full of tens of thousands of electronic messages. How my fingertips touch keyboards instead of skin. How I type instead of talk.
The last five years — well, almost anyway. Four years, eight months, and an odd number of days....
There is real beauty in someone that doesn’t need to be surrounded by people or entertained, to be content. I have chosen to find this magic in myself and others because it is tangible and real; it sparkles in the eyes of someone who has sat by the ocean, looked far out to sea and contemplated the whole of existence. It lingers in the eyes of someone who has looked up at the stars and discovered that we are never really alone; because we are all connected.
In all his years, I'd never heard him sing that song. So there we sat, day after day, hand in hand, heart to heart, and together we sang My Sweet Lord over and over as we both silently wept. I felt as if my pummeled heart might explode with uncontainable sadness and unfathomable joy.
I can see my reflection in others better than ever now, so I am more careful.
I am careful with my heart and what I give.
Because my heart and I, we work together now.
I understand that I don't have to give it all away to be loved.
I understand that it is mine and that it is my beautiful gift to share, not give away.
I don't have to give anything away.
How much more beautiful and delicious is something when it is shared?
I understand to not get lost in the giving.
I understand that a wisdom as simple as this doesn't come easily to some, and it sure as hell didn't come easily to me.
I understand that space is necessary.
I understand about the beauty in silence and in being alone.
I understand that when you have given so much and you can't find your breath and there is nothing left but tears
It's time to leave.
Flow is following the natural cycles of your body, of nature and the cosmos. Flow is the antithesis of today's patriarchal society where if you're not productive you're deadweight. Well, the joke's on you, industrial age, because nature had it right all along. When people follow their natural cycles, creativity and productivity flourish and miracles happen.
I have learned that there is no secret to happiness. There is no list or magical formula. There is just a state of being alive, with your eyes as open as your heart. It is a feeling if you simply let yourself feel.
Happiness pulses through your veins; it’s just a matter of whether you can hear it between heartbeats. Can you hear it in your dreams? Your very soul coos you to sleep using a lullaby deep within your core.
Did you know it wakes when you sleep?
You can choose to hate the rain or dance in it. You can choose to stare at the broken pieces of yourself or enjoy the challenge of putting the puzzle pieces together.
You can choose to speak ill, but do not expect sugar on your tongue. Only when you speak with positivity laced between breaths will you become drunk with joy.
There is no secret to happiness. It is always within you and ready to erupt into laughter if you...
You look at yourself, and realize that while you were busy entrusting the Universe with your happiness, the Universe, in all its wisdom, had been busy setting up these tests to make sure you can actually implement all that you've been observing along the way, and not just being theoretically wise, but practically so as well. Cosmic pop quiz -- that's what these are. Exciting? Sure. Challenging? You bet. Fun? Well, not always. Necessary? That's for you to find out. My personal compass points to the word 'absolutely' on that one.
Keep turning people into poems. Keep inhaling him and keep pressing his face into your memory so you won't ever have to be without it. Keep letting your body guide him. Keep arching your back so that he has a better view of your... heart.