Throughout my life, I've often found myself feeling confused, even guilty for feeling too intently, too intimately, too sensitively. Because of my over-feeling attributes, I've often resorted to behaviors that diluted my innate, sensitive superpower...I'd cowar, become shy, inhibited and/or extremely introverted — and I'd feel bad about who I was. I didn't understand how to use this characteristic of my being so instead I'd also stress out for feeling overwhelmed by stuff that seemed easily manageable by other people.
That's why it's so exciting to connect with another person on the level of the soul. It's why people say, Love is blind -- there are no judgments, just being. That feeling is usually triggered by sexual love, which has the power to quell the ego's voice and transport us into a state of communal oneness.
Just look around you. At the beauty and the bliss. At the terror and the teardown. At the utter certainty and every last unknown. It is all a part of your story. Part of how you were made. Embers of grace and grit. Ashes of breakdown and breakthrough. Born of fire. Made of light.
And suddenly it's so toxic, you can't breathe anymore or your friendship seems to be splitting you into separate directions. You're stuck, no longer moving forward and perhaps moving backwards. You can't seem to talk to them anymore; every minute feels like a chore, you can't step outside of your mind when you are with them. The connection has done a complete 180.
I have spent years feeling your intensity, your fierce intelligence, your audacious spirit, your breathtaking heart, and I have wept and laughed and marveled with joy at the sheer brilliance of all you are.
What is it about soul love that makes it so messy? I grew up on fairytales. Not one of them ended in divorce in order to find the mystical prince of my dreams or gave me any hints on how to walk the woods of false rumors or survive the shire of complexity. "Love comes with a knife" -- Rumi, the master of love himself, tried to tell me. I am now, perhaps, ready to listen.
The things we don't want to talk about, but keep folded up neatly inside where other people don't go or see, will sometimes splinter off into the light, showing that we don't really have anything all together.
"The only way that we can live, is if we grow. The only way that we can grow is if we change. The only way that we can change is if we learn. The only way we can learn is if we are exposed. And the only way that we can become exposed is if we throw ourselves out into the open. Do it. Throw yourself." ~ C. JoyBell C.
We all know that person who, no matter the situation, always seems to have the same story: “I am soooooooooooooooo busy!” Maybe for you it’s a boyfriend or girlfriend (actually, let’s hope it’s an ex)...
What to do? First acknowledge that the present is a gift that you deserve, and the fact that you feel discomfort shows you are a mindful conscious being who wants to be the creator and curator of your own life and destiny.
Most people avoid the fundamentals because they don’t have the guts to become great at them. When you eliminate everything that is unnecessary, there are no details to hide behind. You’re left with just the basics and whether or not you have mastered them.
Is this me? Does this make my heart race? Am I in integrity with myself? Am I in integrity with Spirit? Is this the truth and if it isn't, can I hold a space big enough for the truth to be just that and still look at myself in the eyes and forgive myself?
How can you be all Buddha on a mountain? And if you can't, were you ever spiritual in the first place? Sure it's easy to bestow peace and love on all you meet when life is easy -- but what does true spirit ask you to do in moments like these? If you are like me, it will look like this -- very human, very messy, with a sprinkling of your higher self thrown in.
These are the times when I am on my knees, head to thighs, fingertips to face, wondering how much longer I will have to carry myself and how much longer I will have to carry the love I have to give with no willing recipient...
If you are awake, you know we're riding the waves right now. We're floating in boats without oars, under a dome of blinking stars, surrounded by glowing sea life, and the occasional humpback whale.
We're on our way somewhere new, but we don't know where. Yet.
Mountains, beaches, museums, galleries, concerts... in a bedroom, on a sofa, on the desert sand, on a plane, train, boat, on the Yoga mat, in the gym... wherever and whenever. Let's not waste any more time. The time is now, the time for this momentary familiarity.
The notion of loving again reads like some absurdist play where it all ends in a head-on collision with tragedy and none of the players are wearing seat belts. But I know my life would cease to matter without love. What to do?
Falling in love is the easy, but staying in love is the dedication. Past relationships and patterns, fundamental differences in beliefs, perspectives, and thoughts on ways of living and navigating the world can all take their toll on a relationship.
After the initial panic and the realization that Love isn't going to overwhelm or leave us (wherever we fall on the fear of intimacy spectrum), then something in our experience can begin to shift. In moments of harmony, we start to realize that there is nowhere to run, and that we can't actually run from Love, because Love will follow, Love will be, and Love just is.
It's no small thing, doing something that makes you quake with fear, it's no small thing to turn your life around, change careers, leave a familiar nesting place behind, change your lifestyle in order to heal your body.
I want to dance for you, with you. I want to create life and make love, for I am your conduit to creation. But alone, this phenomenon has no power, because I need you to unveil the path that travels there, for you are the key and I am the locked doorway to all that is heavenly.
Basically, it was a preemptive strike preventing me from potentially being talked out of an intuitively correct choice due to misguided concern for the comfort of others. This approach is not painless. Inevitably, the never-ending loop of questioning and self-berating ensues.
Life humbles all of us and perhaps that's exactly the medicine we all need. We are all mirrors for each other, and this world provides just enough hardship and triumph to find the soul which connects us all.
You are my arrow I shot long ago. It came back to me with its secret. It told me with its fire, "Be the you that wakes up in the morning, still groggy, remembering what exactly went on the hours before while dreaming."