As we grow and change as humans, so do our relationships. I understand this, just as I understand that at the end of the day, we have to learn to be our own pillars of strength. We need to learn to claw our way out from the jowls of hell of our own creation that we throw ourselves into of our own accord.
Society lies to us when it bombards us with what love looks like, how we must look like to be pretty and feminine, to be masculine, to be good God-fearing people – we are surrounded by lies. How then do we challenge those lies to find our true truth? What would our lives be like without all the lies? Who would we become, how would we move in the world, interact with others, how would we love? How many people have been driven insane by their own lies? How many have committed heinous crimes based on their own lies? How many people have stayed in relationships that were bad because of lies?
at the tinkling laughter of a stranger before
just because I was feeling a little lonely.
a little too verklempt.
Oh yes, too verklempt, indeed.
My mouth set in a decidedly twitchy black and pitchy frown.
I have a habit of building someone up in my mind to the point of dehumanization. They are no longer a human being capable of faults and mistakes. They become a magical creature that has captivated my attention.
I never thought I was trying to change you.
I suppose some part of me knew
that your love was a half-assed poem
shoved in the back pocket
of the pants you purchased
when you were still trying to impress me.
But I am still trying to impress you.
I am still forcing you into poems
like microscopes, hoping I can find something
in the seventeen thousand four hundred and twenty seven seconds
you have spent staring at me,
other than everything you wanted me to be
that I never was.
I suppose the goddess inside
of me was tired of being ignored.
Coming from two different variables and two different perspectives can burden love in every sense of the word.
Are opposites attracting truly a viable means to everlasting love? This moment, this meaning, this very place we call love is tossed up into the night sky and left wandering around until it lands where it feels safe and secure. My heart feels your heart.
We are open and willing and surrounded by possibilities, and endless amounts of nuances leading us down the path of freedom and serenity. If we can only find the space in between to make it last, with me not always floating on a breeze, and you not always keeping my feet on the earth.
I can take the lead, but I need a soft place to land. I need to feel your arms wrapped around me, nudging me to continue to take care of my heart and sensitive self. I need your softness to wallow up inside of me, creating the space for...
I want to Love my life. Love it exactly as it is now and not some fantastical, idealized version that exists nowhere except in my noggin’. Love it for exactly what it is now, with all its frustration and failure and credit card debt and unrealized dreams.
I made myself a mind palace, and did not realize I built it for two. You were in every inch of it, it just took you time to manifest. You had to pull yourself out of the polished wooden banisters that lead up to our attic room.
We will rise above our false sense of self and discover we are wiser and stronger. Our souls will be drenched in love and no longer ashamed of who and what we are. We will see the light in darkness and honor all the pieces of our self -- especially the shadows and we will find our boundless strength and exquisiteness.
As we invest in relationships with others, we should equally spend our time on things that we are passionate about. We should become aware when we allow something to dominate too much of our energy and time. One thing, one career, one situation does not an individual make.
My experience and inner wisdom kept shouting at me, time after time, that the next snoozing episode would only deepen the wounding slumber, only worsen the scarring from lingering between dream, nightmare and awake, and yet, I thirstily pressed our button, knowing the damage I was doing us.
But I desire that dedicated partner, here and now, in present time, to team up and support each other in all our endeavors, healing humanity and living a passionate existence in all ways. A partner where we rock this world together inside and outside of our lovers' embrace.
Here is some good news though... you and your partner are a perfect match. Yep, a perfect match for bringing up each other's shit. You can either spend your time throwing that shit at each other like mindless apes, or you can seize the opportunity to own your shit, then evolve beyond it to expand your consciousness and your heart.
I could kiss the space between your eyebrows until the world turns to ashes around us, I could wrap my legs around you and touch your lips and stroke your hair until the sky turns purple and the sea overtakes the land and we are the only things left on the Earth.
We spent time after time
together in the silence,
feeling all the feelings
I had never allowed into my soul.
We spoke of beginnings,
endings and all that life
gave in between.
We watched as night
flickered slowly into day
and saw day burn out
into the warmth of dusk.
And we treasured it.
Don't you love it when your relationship is steamy passionate and love is oozing out of every pore? Ahhh. The hot, honeymoon phase certainly rocks. It's purely magical and intoxicating. Now, are you going to do what it takes to keep it that way or are you going to f*ck it up like over 50% of couples?
For I don't want to wonder.
I don't want to wait.
I don't even want to pursue.
I want to be taken.
Possessed, surrounded, filled up.
Held up, worshiped. and forgiven.
With no doubt, no regret
Just equal souls.
as close apart as together.
I practice Yoga, but my attire consists of whatever is clean -- a paint-splattered t-shirt or a pair of old spandex. I like to think I glow from the inside out. I drink fair trade coffee with almond milk. I don't do it because it's trendy, but because Compassion is my religion and no creature will be harmed in the making of a beverage that costs $2.13.
Land, air and fire; no water but the tiny oceans that fall from my eyes -- no wind but the one that moves in and out, my chest and belly -- rise and fall, rise and fall -- and of course, me sitting, heart beating, thinking, feeling, naked and raw, as if all the layers that were there from the start have evaporated and instead my insides are on the outsides.
I was not meant for the cage of the existence I was living. I knew there was more. My heart was hungry and the fire that was slowly fading became a raging wild fire. It burned through the lies and ignited the truth and showed me the way, to me, through you.
You've got exquisite taste in sadness, too. It's the perfect combination of melancholy and hope, sprinkled with rage and longing. It's the kind that I can feel coming from miles away. The kind that comforts me.
If I knew the way, I would take you home...Perhaps the only help I’m able to give you about this is to let you know that I know what it’s like. That I’ve been there. That I’ll undoubtedly be there again. That when you are there, isolated from the whole world, you are not actually alone. That there are people, things, a world surrounding you, holding you up, laying you down, covering you with blankets, massaging your feet.
Whatever nuances our partner may present, even those we abhor, we must love them all. For without any one of this myriad list of ingredients, the one to whom we open our heart, the complete entity we have fallen in love with, would cease to exist.
If love is a destination of regular heartbreaks, loneliness, wasted tears, and constant fear, even when you are in the arms of the one you love, then maybe you shouldn't rush to it. Maybe, like time heals wounds, you should give love some time.
I'd forgotten I could send my love directly to me -- not my reflection of me in you -- but to me, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes and through my gut and liver and frostbitten fingertips. Let my love nourish me with as much urgency and power and healing as I used to channel through you.
You feel the sense of cold betrayal that rises when the person you trust most with your thoughts and views, with your strengths and weaknesses, tears you down with a few ill-chosen sentences, judgments that don’t even seem to have a basis. You feel blind-sided, attacked.