John Steinbeck on love: A letter to his son.


“Don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens. The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.” 

In 1958, John Steinbeck—Nobel prize winner and one of he most celebrated American writers of the twentieth century—receives a letter. It was from his son Thom, who, while away at boarding school, had fallen in love with a girl named Susan. John answered his son that same day.

As an old correspondence enthusiast, I cannot help but archive this letter in the Beautiful, Tender & Wise files and pull it out every couple months, when I’ve had enough cynicism for lunch.

New York

November 10, 1958


Dear Thom:


We had your letter this morning. I will answer it from my point of view and of course Elaine will from hers.


First—if you are in love—that’s a good thing—that’s about the best thing that can happen to anyone. Don’t let anyone make it small or light to you.


Second—There are several kinds of love. One is a selfish, mean, grasping, egotistical thing which uses love for self-importance. This is the ugly and crippling kind.

The other is an outpouring of everything good in you—of kindness and consideration and respect—not only the social respect of manners but the greater respect which is recognition of another person as unique and valuable.

The first kind can make you sick and small and weak but the second can release in you strength, and courage and goodness and even wisdom you didn’t know you had.


You say this is not puppy love. If you feel so deeply—of course it isn’t puppy love.


But I don’t think you were asking me what you feel. You know better than anyone. What you wanted me to help you with is what to do about it—and that I can tell you.


Glory in it for one thing and be very glad and grateful for it.


The object of love is the best and most beautiful. Try to live up to it.


If you love someone—there is no possible harm in saying so—only you must remember that some people are very shy and sometimes the saying must take that shyness into consideration.


Girls have a way of knowing or feeling what you feel, but they usually like to hear it also.


It sometimes happens that what you feel is not returned for one reason or another—but that does not make your feeling less valuable and good.


Lastly, I know your feeling because I have it and I’m glad you have it.


We will be glad to meet Susan. She will be very welcome. But Elaine will make all such arrangements because that is her province and she will be very glad to. She knows about love too and maybe she can give you more help than I can.


And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens—The main thing is not to hurry. Nothing good gets away.






John Steinbeck hated the telephone and used letters as his main outlet for communication.

You can find this letter along with many others, opening a timeless door into his life and work, in Steinbeck, A Life in Letters.



Read More: 

>> “Come closer to me, come closer, I promise you, it will be beautiful.” — An Anaïs Nin love-scented letter. 



{Nothing good gets away.}



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Andrea Balt

Andrea Balt

Founder of Rebelle Society, Writer, Creative Troublemaker, Communication Warrior, Life Alchemist.
In addition to Rebelle Society, Andrea Balt is also creator of the online Writing Bootcamp, the Creative Rehab Art & Adventure Events & the Warrior Woman Rising Experience. {Coming Soon: Rebelle Wellness & I Art You}. She holds a BA in Journalism & Mass Communication, an MFA in Creative Writing & a Holistic Health Coach degree from the Institute for Integrative Nutrition®. In her work, she tries to reflect the wholeness of the human experience by combining Art & Health + Mind & Body + Darkness & Light into a more alive, unabridged and unlimited edition of her own life and the world she experiences. She is also on a quest to reinstate Creativity as our official Superpower and essential Human Right — to (hopefully and soon) be included in the UN Declaration. Visit her website to learn more about collaborating or working with her and catch up on her latest musings. Connect with her in the Social Media Matrix via Facebook, Instagram, Twitter & Pinterest — and sign up for her Museletter to stay in touch & receive FREE creative goodies, special bonuses & event news. For all other communication, creative collaboration & business inquiries you can reach her via email: [email protected].