When death darkens our door, it demands that we, too, die -- to the person we were, to the future we'd envisioned, to the belief that life treads a path paved with predictability and permanence, to the myth that constancy is a faithful companion, to the illusion that we came here to remain unchanged.
The most unique and universal expressions of our humanity occur in the moments when we are most keyed in to our animal nature. Whether curled up in our sleep beside our lover or child, or ravaging a perfectly prepared meal, our most basic human needs show us as the animals we are.
I've always craved to know all through feeling all, to take everything behind everything inside of me, because it's already there, because nothing is not already there. To breathe into dissolution until my form loosens, becoming malleable and vibratory.
"Fine. Just don't be like one of those people who gets bucked from a horse, and never gets back on. Those people drive me nuts. So fear-based. They walk around lugging their story of the one horse that bucked them. Then they never ride again and they miss out, the rest of their lives, because one jackass kicked them off the ride of a lifetime."
"Think of how much suffering there is in this world. I think God gave us love to make up for it."
To the question of remission, my answer is: I'm here now, feeling great. To put a finer point on it, No Evidence of Disease sounds more life-affirming to this survivor than a remission, which presumes the worst and is a dreadful reminder that danger lurks. I guess how I perceive the disease is partly responsible for how I manage to get through each day.
Digging deep into our own personal evolution can be a battlefield, a dewy meadow, or a road trip to forests of plenty. This is the pulp and the rind and the heart of the juice in nostalgic times. No two trips down memory lane are ever alike, and it is not so much in the illusion of the journey, but in the reality, that tangible changes are in our grasp.
Despite the encouragement of mentors and my community to stay single for a time so that I could grieve the loss of my long-term lover, I didn't listen. I stayed the course. I continued to open myself up to love. I kept attracting men who could not treat me the way I required because I couldn't treat myself the way I require. They were broken because I was broken.
I had no idea I spent so much time criticizing and judging myself until I had all this free time because I had no mirrors. What I noticed was that I was in a better mood, my Chatty Cathy in my head was pretty quiet and instead of ‘looking’ I was ‘feeling’ and I liked what I was feeling.
I used to have a fantasy that aging stopped at the age you started practicing asana. I think this idea came from looking at Shiva Rea and Gurmukh Kaur Khalsa; both of them are radiant, and really, when you look at them they're kind of ageless, aren't they? I could never really figure out just how old they are. Shakti is better than Botox.
You acknowledged the beauty of the physical treasures, and you've even made the vulnerable parts of me feel safe. I know you aren't complaining about what we've shared, but it has made me pause, made me think about what we've shared and what we haven't. The intimacy we share is remarkable, and it translates into ways of connecting that are out of this world, but there are gaps.
A million people wanting your autograph cannot compare to having one true friend. Believe in yourself or a higher power but let it be your choice not some mindless doctrine handing down by a self-help trillionaire.
What if the point was not to restrict myself to the chained-up life, but to journey towards the 'live free' life? What a concept. To think for myself, and pick things based on my true self and not based on the outside world. How freeing, how liberating, how amazing to be in that space.
This practice of revealing the less polished aspects of ourselves increases my comfort with pit stains during Yoga practice. The more I let myself be human, the more that sense of being at odds with myself diminishes.
Throw yourself into the world. How? Associate with groups that aren't in your background. I was raised Christian. If I didn't start hanging out with atheists, Buddhists and Hindus, I would not have discovered what actually spoke to me instead of what my mother taught me. Spend time collecting stories from people who are younger, older, richer and poorer. It's fascinating to know how people become who they are in the moment.
I lived half of my life thinking that everything that I saw with my eyes, felt with my emotions, and touched with my hands was all that there was for me to experience. Then I woke up. But, oh, that slumber was painful. Because I think that I knew that there was something else -- something bigger, more profound, more beautiful.