Over time, our practice can help cultivate a deeper understanding about what we need and how we need to look after ourselves. When to move, when to be more passive. When to challenge ourselves, when to be more compassionate and gentle. What to put into the body, and what to put out.
A friend of mine died the other day,
but not really — I mean it wasn’t really
the other day. It just seems that way sometimes.
Sometimes the thirteen years seem a day
and I hold him in my arms again and watch
the warmth and gentleness and intelligence
fade slowly from his eyes while I tell him
everything will be okay, everything will be okay.
I was a writer even then, but none of the words I knew
could stop his blood from seeping through my shirt
to turn its olive drab a darker hue than red
or green — none of the important or subtle
or achingly beautiful words could grant another breath
or give me time to say the things I should have
or would have, but didn’t.
There was an accident the other day.
A car had left the road and a passenger was trapped,
held, the driver pleading in a soft, frightened...
I, like many of you who will read this, have spent much of my life seeking. From rigorous asana, to long courses of study in philosophy, fasting, japa mala, trips to India, plant medicine, sitting with gurus -- the usual gamut of trials looking for the keys to enlightenment.
There is an image that returns to haunt me every now and then. I am on a dock, alone, and off in the distance is a party boat. I can hear people laughing, music playing, champagne glasses tinkling. I have been left behind and no one cares.
With each act of courage, each dream and light offered, each one, wild at heart, dropping free to all fours, the fire grew… and grew… and grew… until the power of what we had created illuminated the sky as if lit by the sun, the moon, and every star.
Be a freak. Be a big weirdo.
Proudly wear your unique and unrepeatable and luminous light out into the world.
Don't let anyone tell you you cannot do what you've set out to do. Others are already doing 'it,' so why not you? ('It' might be writing a marvelous book, or starting a yoga studio, or studying ancient history, or hiking the Pacific trail.)
Yoga is not an anti-aging product, nor is it an anti-aging therapy. But, a case can be made that is an effective and credible strategy for becoming and staying healthy, physically, mentally, and spiritually.
She paused. The heartbeat of her pen seemed to race. And there and then she decided to do something radical, that she would tell the absolute truth. She would write as if she would never show anyone, like she was just sharing her secrets with God. She would empty every skeleton from her closet. She wouldn't worry about characters' names or getting anyone in trouble.
Recently, I have begun introducing myself as a mermaid. While some people roll their eyes, others genuinely understand my deep desire for the clandestine world beneath the ocean, the way I connect with an inner temptress nature and how I pray that wild feminine forces will power my inner defiance.
I may be the only one on this but I want to meet real people with real people lips, I want to engage with someone who is different from me and I want to learn about them. I want to remember them for those glorious differences. I want people to remember they met me.
The Gypsy is back
and she is tired,
tired of giving herself away
for your love
Tired of fighting
for this future we have.
For this family we have.
For the comfort and safety
of the home we have.
I give up.
I fight back.
I admit that there are days where I have some strong internal dissention, and before I can respond gracefully, I stoop to a lower vibration and say things that aren't kind or necessary. I'm human and always learning, no matter my age or experience or knowledge. We all are.
So tell me, how did you stay away? Tell me so I can, too. I need so desperately to fall out of love with you. I need to find the girl that you fell in love with. The strong and confident one that knew exactly what she wanted out of life but really knew nothing at all. I need her and her dreams.