The prison without is a projection of the prison within. Prisons aren't just built by cement and steel. There are far worse ones comprised of the ego.
Grieving is not about blaming, but simply an acknowledging the tragic nature of events. If anger comes up in this process, we shall honor that too.
When the person standing in front of you is disrespecting who you are, they need to know and you need to be the one to let them know how angry it makes you.
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler, in 'On Grief and Grieving', identified five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.