I can't just sit here and not say anything because 'sobriety' is a big deal to some people and a life or death matter to all of us addicts.
I know now. I know what it is and what it feels like, for lack of a lovelier way of finding out. Sadness is not the same as emptiness. Mind over matter only works with a mind that works too. This is how it feels: One by one, like a leak, things start to fall out of the soul. Hobbies. Family and ...
I’ve never said this out loud to another person before. I’ve been struggling lately, and noticing my desire for comfort. To just be next to someone and be held. I’ve never wanted it before. Or maybe I haven’t let myself want it, but I do want it.
The masks may have been a coping mechanism, to help shield you from a confusing world, but ultimately they are a cage. They are there to corral that spark of exuberant life that just doesn’t quite meet society’s standards of acceptable. They separate you from the aliveness inherent in your own soul.