How could they? How selfish? How ignorant for anyone to think they have the right to judge such tragedy and loss? How dare you?
All who want to die in any given moment feel crippling disconnection... but the silence of shame and the disease of perfectionism keeps us from saying it.
I can't just sit here and not say anything because 'sobriety' is a big deal to some people and a life or death matter to all of us addicts.
Tonight we will run with the wild horses of our tribe streaking across the twilight sky, calling out our names and demanding the night to release us.
What we typically perceive as self-sabotage is actually mystery helping us blow up this matrix and kill our inner demons and the power they have over us.
I have done ridiculous and radical things to stay open. Thrown food. Pushed. Slapped. Sobbed. Stuffed Twinkies in my mouth with a stranger at midnight.
Ayahuasca is not for those trauma survivors who are so fragmented that they do not have a solid sense of self to return to.